What a great morning!

After struggling for a few weeks trying to find a good routine for Chris and I to get our workouts in, I think I have finally found a solution!  I get up at 5am, go exercise, and I get home before the rest of my family wakes up. Then I have time to make Chris's lunch, fold some laundry, and pick up the house a little before the chaos starts. I tried it today and I think it might actually work!  This way our evenings are free for Chris to go work out, or when things come up my workouts don't have to suffer.

Today, is going to be a beautiful day! I am really looking forward to going out, working on the yard and letting Aidan run around!

Yesterday, Keegan turned 3 months old. Where has the time gone? It's crazy! But he is doing very well, now with the new medication and the right formula! Keegan is sleeping through the night. He will sleep from 10:30pm until 7-7:30am. It's glorious! I have been so lucky with both my kids sleeping through the night at an early age.

I think we are officially done having babies. I am really having issues with my IUD and I want to have it removed. I promised myself to give it more time, the stupid thing is crazy expensive ($750 - thank God my insurance paid for it) and it WILL hurt to have it removed.
But the spotting and bleeding (all the time), cramps and uncomfortable sex are really making it hard to want to keep it.  But before I get it taken out, Chris is going to get "fixed". So...I am just waiting and hoping that it will get better.

Anyway, I can smell I have at least one poopy diaper to change. Yay! I leave you with one of my favorite songs!

 

Aidan Day

Today, Aidan picked out the clothes he wanted to wear, got his shoes, put them on (slip ons - but he got them on the right feet), and was ready to go. Then at the grocery store, I was showing him the juice aisle and asked him if he wanted apple juice - he shakes his head no- then he points to Juicy Juice (the brand I like best) Apple Raspberry. I ask him if that's what he wants and he shakes his head yes. I grab it and ask him again and he even says yes. Okay.

On the way home from running our errands, I realized that today was just the beginning of the decisions he will make in life. Sure it's only picking out his own clothes and the juice he wants. But he was proud and felt like a "big boy".

Everyday Aidan amazes me, I am so proud to his mom! This weekend I am going to take him out on a Mommy and Son day. There have been things I have wanted to do with him, but I just can't with Keegan in tow.  I know that Aidan misses our time together, he had me all to himself before Keegan showed up.

Don't tell Aidan (lol) but I am going to pack us a lunch, stop at Just Baked to pick out a cupcake for us to share and head over to the park so he can run around and play. Then afterwards, I need to go to Toys R Us for a gift and we have been wanting to get Aidan a stuffed Dinosaur (he is CRAZY for dinosaurs). It should be a really nice day!

I love my boys so much!

Sigh.

Today I have nothing witty or inspiring to say.

Today is one of those days I want to retreat to my safe place.

Today I have no strength or fight in me.

Today I am NOT perfect.

Today I feel I've been given too much to handle.

Today I feel alone. 

Today I am tired of walking on crumbs on the floor.

Today we are still in our pajamas.

I wasn't going to write a blog at all.  I feel I have nothing to give or to offer anyone else. But after thinking about it, sometimes its nice to hear how "not perfect" other mother's are. It's so easy to look in from the outside and see how perfect everything is in someone else's life.  When really that person feels as the walls are crumbling in.

Today is my not perfect day and that's okay.

In college, my major was psychology however my passion was literature. To be more specific Women's Literature. In fact, I took all the literature classes I could and my last semester I took a 400 level Woman's lit class my freshman year of college. I was one of 6 students and it was the most AMAZING class. My professor was an inspiration to me. She also introduced me to Maya Angelou. What an amazing experience. But I'm off topic now.

One of the books my professor had us read was The Awakening by Kate Chopin. An amazing book that I have read and re-read every year, because every time I read it I get something else out of it. It is not a happy book, it a real, raw look inside a womans' mind and it ends beautifully tragic.

I think it's time for me to re-read it.

One of my favorite bands right now is Mumford & Sons...and I've been listening to this song while I write my blog. And I wanted to share it with you. I really like "The Cave" and "Little Lion Man" as well.

Have a great day friends.

The seasons of Life

This morning, I got up excited I was woken up at 6am and not 5am. It's the little things. :)

I walk out to the kitchen, open the blinds to only realize the weather man was right. Rain, cold and more rain. I, and everyone else "here in the north" are pretty sick of cold, grey days with rain (or snow). It is draining on your mind, body and soul.
After feeding Keegan first thing in the morning, I make Chris's lunch and I get a sippy cup ready for Aidan, who is always thirsty when he first gets up.
One of my trips to the fridge I notice that my calendar is still on March. Oops. Meh, it was overlooked, like many other things. lol The message on my calendar was "There Will be Showers of Blessings" Ezekiel 34:26. 
I look outside and realize that "it", my calendar, was right. Like all things it was a message reminding me that with all things there is a season. Right now we have grey, rainy days. But soon flowers and fresh grass with Summer on the horizon. 

As a mother of two young children, I feel like we are in the Spring-time of life. It's muddy, messy, draining, dreary, wet and sometimes leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Their personalities are just blossoming, they are learning new things every day, their smile is the rainbow after the rain.
Again, soon Summer will be here and we will miss the cooler weather, the rain, the mess.

On Twitter, I follow the Dalai Lama. He has 1,560,789 followers but follows no one. March 14th he writes:
"As well as restraining ourselves from negative thoughts and emotions, we need to cultivate and reinforce our positive qualities." 
During Spring, it feels as we strip a layer of old off, the layers of Winter, and we awake a new, better person.

Every day I strive to be better.

 I never pray to be a better wife or mother. But I pray to be better at dealing with the crazy, stressful situations.
I never pray for Aidan to be well behaved, but I pray that I can handle him with more grace and patience.
I never pray that Keegan sleeps when I need him to, but I pray that he is comfortable and if his comfort means I need to hold him or get up with him in the middle of the night, then that's what I need to do for him.
I don't pray to be a better wife to my husband, but I pray that if I fall short that he understands and taking care of our house and children is the greatest way I show him love and devotion.

Well, Aidan has just dumped his toys box...Life is messy! But I love it!

Life

Life.

I'm struggling finding my place. I struggle with my faith. I struggle with relationships. I struggle with being a mom, wife and woman. I struggle with my body image.

The things I know:

I love being a mom. My kids are my whole world, they have shaped me and made me better than I  ever imagined I could be. My husband loves me more than I deserve.
I have a lot of wonderful friends. I make mistakes...everyday. Life is messy. Life goes by too fast. Life is more beautiful since becoming a mother. Forgiveness is a painful necessity. Moving on is harder said than done. I absolutely love Pandora radio. God never gives you more than you can handle. God has always provided for us (even though my husband doesn't believe.)

I have found comfort in new friends, my children, and the Bible.  Lately, I have solace in Galatians 5:22-23 - Fruit of the Spirit. "By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

I guess these were just some thoughts I had this morning...just ramblings of a mom that has a few minutes before the chaos starts.



Where did March go?!?

I swear just yesterday it was February. Where did March go? I know I didn't sleep through it. I've only had a handful of days that I have slept through the night.

Updates:
Kids- Aidan is good, acting very much like a two year old...yay...and is proving how much smarter he is than we are.
Keegan is 11 weeks today. And FINALLY on the road to recovery! He has been diagnosed with Acid Reflux and has made the last few weeks a living hell. There is nothing worse than your child hurting and you don't know how to fix it! We tried Zantac and while it helped he still had what we call "colic days" and he would cry all day and never nap. It was miserable for everyone. He is now on Prevacid and doing much better even after just 4 days. We finally found the right formula for him. That also was a battle with the reflux. We have found he does best on Soy (yes, I know SO many people say not to give your son soy...but they can come watch him while he cries for hours on end with a sick tummy because of the milk based formulas - even the hypoallergenic ones made him sick) and then we had to try all the different brands of soy because Similac backed him up so bad. In conclusion...lol...he is on Gerber Good Start, I had never even looked at it before but wouldn't you know it, it works like a charm! Here is a video I took of the boys yesterday. Aidan calls Keegan "T". (don't mind the mess in the background)

Tara and Chris- We are both dieting - low fat, low carbs, high protein. And we are going to the gym almost every day. I refuse to weigh myself because I am NOT going to be discouraged and when I am tired and frazzled from the day it is very easy for me to want to give up. I know if I do all the "right" things, the weight WILL come off.  I also treat myself to tanning after I workout. It's something to look forward to every time I go to the gym.
Chris is doing really well and I SO proud of him. He has been really trying and he has been in a better mood since exercising and dieting. Better mood=nicer husband!

Today I have been having a lazy day and enjoying it! Aidan is napping and Keegan is cooing and soon should be sleeping. Yay! Tonight I am going grocery shopping and then to the gym. Tomorrow night I am going to pick up a Little Tykes castle swing/slide thing like this one:

I am SO excited! Aidan is going to love it!  I am getting it used from a MOPS friend.

Saturday, I am going to the MOPS Summit. I am SO excited!

Anyway, I better take a shower if I want one today!

Keegan's 2 month Update!

Keegan went for his two month well-baby visit.  We suspected there has been some other digestive issues with him as he was never really comfortable for long.  Turns out he has acid reflux.  He is now on Zantac and everyday he is on it he gets a little better.  Now we're just dealing with constipation issues from being on Soy formula.
*note* Before you jump down my throat about having him on soy and all the "issues" about the estrogen's in soy, I have done my research and we have made this decision so please keep your comments to yourself! Thank you!
He is doing better on the Soy than he did on the Alimentum. However, we may try Alimentum again to see if he can tolerate it, the constipation is just such an issue.

Keegan weighs 10lbs 5oz and is 22 3/4inches long. His eyes are still blue and his hair is a reddish blond.