What's new...

Well, lets see.
As far as MOPS goes...
I am officially the Creative Activities coordinator for next year (June 2011-June 2012). I am very excited to be part of the "Steering team" or core team.

Thursday May 19th will be our 10th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been 10 years...I can't believe we've been together 12 1/2 years. We are celebrating on Saturday.  Since we are not ready to leave the kids with anyone over night, we are spending the whole day (saturday) doing all the fun things that we can't do with the kids...or just don't have the time to do!

Last Monday I had my IUD removed. THANK GOD! That was awful and I don't wish it's evil upon anyone.  When the doctor went to go remove it, she couldn't find the strings so she had to "dig" for them. I was bleeding pretty bad. Other than the pain from the removal, I felt better.  It was not sitting right and I didn't like its nasty side effects. Apparently another side affect was weight gain and bloating. I've dropped 5 pounds since having it removed and I'm even on the pill.
I love my new pill, I'm on ortho-tri cyclen lo.  It mimics a natural cycle and so far I feel great on it.

Keegan is now 4 months old! At his well - baby visit we weighs 14lbs 3.5oz and is 24.5 in long. He is sitting up supported, can roll over from his back and from his tummy. He has a beautiful strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. And the greatest laugh and smile.  Keegan's tear duct is still blocked...and I'm going crazy with all the infections he's getting.  My house is clean and sanitary but he still gets infections. I've even tried breastmilk...it's supposed to help. lol
He is still on Prevacid for his acid reflux, and it is truly a Godsend. He is my happy little guy, but without it he is totally miserable.

Aidan is growing up way too fast and has been asking to use the toilet. I have sat him on the toilet but he doesn't do anything. So it's time to buy him his own toilet. I don't want to discourage him but I also want to make sure he is really ready. Dinosaur underwear here we come!
Aidan is quite the gentleman, he plays well with others and is a joy to be around (even according to other moms). I've never met a 2 year that shares so well and can express emotions. He tell me that Keegan is sad when he cries. When he's mad, he folds his arms and says "i mad". He is very empathic to others as well. When there is another child crying, he will try to cheer them up by bringing them a toy or start playing with them.  He is such a blessing!!

I guess that's all I've got.  My book is coming along but with such limited time...it will take a while. But Rome wasn't built in a day.

Need to get this off my chest.

I have a few friends that can not seem to keep their opinions to themselves.  Their way is the best, breast-fed, all natural birth, anti c-section, no discipline, no vaccinations...etc.  Until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you can't judge.
I am just saying, if I don't push my beliefs on you, please keep your mouth shut.

I am an amazing mother, an amazing wife and I am so blessed with so many wonderful things in my life. I don't need you to come in and try to make me feel bad about the intelligent decisions I have made for my family.

"You, Sir, are an idiot"

Perfection

Webster's Dictionary defines Perfect as:

1a : being entirely without fault or defect : flawless 

 b : satisfying all requirements : accurate

 c : corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept 

 d : faithfully reproducing the original; specifically : letter-perfect

 e : legally valid

How many times have you gotten ready to have friends or family over and you were striving for perfection. Whether it be the cleanliness of your house or the food you have prepared. Maybe you just want every one to behave perfectly; the kids won't throw tantrums or be defiant, maybe you just want your spouse to be a gentleman and not tell that dirty joke he insists on telling everyone, albeit it is humorous.
 
How many times have you snapped at your spouse or kids while you strive for this said perfection?
 
I think we have all been there.
But have you ever thought about the message you are sending?
 
I realized this the other day when talking to a very dear friend. She mentioned my house was always spotless. sigh. Yes, I worked my butt off, got up way too early, gated my son in his room so my house could look this way. And now I realized as she described how clean my house was, that I had set some standard for myself that I was not intending. I do not want my friends, who also have children, to feel bad when there houses look like a toy bomb went off or heaven forbid your house looks "lived-in"...because that is how my house looks everyday! 
I had never thought about how my strive for perfection impacted other people.
 
My favorite of the definitions of Perfect is C, an abstract concept.  Because perfection is in the eye of the beholder, not a standard set by one person.  
 
For me, allowing people to see my house "messy", clothes in the laundry basket, toys laying around, maybe even some dishes in the sink (OH MY) forces me to expose some part of me that is vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable and I don't like other people seeing the true, imperfect Tara.
 
 
 

Crossroads

I feel as though I am at a crossroad.
You know those dreams you have in life, the ones you think "if only..." If only I had the time, If only I had the money, If only I had the education, If only...

I want to write a book.
I have always wanted to write a book, ever since I was little. I don't care if I only publish one book and no one buys it (I do confess that I would heartbroken that no one would want to buy it).

My concerns.
I feel as though I have no time. But if there is a will, there is a way- who needs sleep.
I feel like I don't have qualifications to write a book. Truthfully, anyone can write a book, have you seen some of the crap out there?
I feel like the book I would write will never be good enough and I will be easily discouraged. ????
The book I want to write seems so huge that I have a hard time organizing my ideas. This can easily be remedied with a flow chart...etc.

Oh I don't know...I don't want this to become another "great idea" that gets started and never finished.

Okay...I'm going to do it.
No wait. I'm scared.
No I'm going to do it!

Well, here's to being a mom of two young kids, a wife, a maid, a cook, trying to lose weight, keep a solid relationship with my husband, keep up with friends & family AND write a book. (and I am sure that I missing a few other things)

What a great morning!

After struggling for a few weeks trying to find a good routine for Chris and I to get our workouts in, I think I have finally found a solution!  I get up at 5am, go exercise, and I get home before the rest of my family wakes up. Then I have time to make Chris's lunch, fold some laundry, and pick up the house a little before the chaos starts. I tried it today and I think it might actually work!  This way our evenings are free for Chris to go work out, or when things come up my workouts don't have to suffer.

Today, is going to be a beautiful day! I am really looking forward to going out, working on the yard and letting Aidan run around!

Yesterday, Keegan turned 3 months old. Where has the time gone? It's crazy! But he is doing very well, now with the new medication and the right formula! Keegan is sleeping through the night. He will sleep from 10:30pm until 7-7:30am. It's glorious! I have been so lucky with both my kids sleeping through the night at an early age.

I think we are officially done having babies. I am really having issues with my IUD and I want to have it removed. I promised myself to give it more time, the stupid thing is crazy expensive ($750 - thank God my insurance paid for it) and it WILL hurt to have it removed.
But the spotting and bleeding (all the time), cramps and uncomfortable sex are really making it hard to want to keep it.  But before I get it taken out, Chris is going to get "fixed". So...I am just waiting and hoping that it will get better.

Anyway, I can smell I have at least one poopy diaper to change. Yay! I leave you with one of my favorite songs!

 

Aidan Day

Today, Aidan picked out the clothes he wanted to wear, got his shoes, put them on (slip ons - but he got them on the right feet), and was ready to go. Then at the grocery store, I was showing him the juice aisle and asked him if he wanted apple juice - he shakes his head no- then he points to Juicy Juice (the brand I like best) Apple Raspberry. I ask him if that's what he wants and he shakes his head yes. I grab it and ask him again and he even says yes. Okay.

On the way home from running our errands, I realized that today was just the beginning of the decisions he will make in life. Sure it's only picking out his own clothes and the juice he wants. But he was proud and felt like a "big boy".

Everyday Aidan amazes me, I am so proud to his mom! This weekend I am going to take him out on a Mommy and Son day. There have been things I have wanted to do with him, but I just can't with Keegan in tow.  I know that Aidan misses our time together, he had me all to himself before Keegan showed up.

Don't tell Aidan (lol) but I am going to pack us a lunch, stop at Just Baked to pick out a cupcake for us to share and head over to the park so he can run around and play. Then afterwards, I need to go to Toys R Us for a gift and we have been wanting to get Aidan a stuffed Dinosaur (he is CRAZY for dinosaurs). It should be a really nice day!

I love my boys so much!

Sigh.

Today I have nothing witty or inspiring to say.

Today is one of those days I want to retreat to my safe place.

Today I have no strength or fight in me.

Today I am NOT perfect.

Today I feel I've been given too much to handle.

Today I feel alone. 

Today I am tired of walking on crumbs on the floor.

Today we are still in our pajamas.

I wasn't going to write a blog at all.  I feel I have nothing to give or to offer anyone else. But after thinking about it, sometimes its nice to hear how "not perfect" other mother's are. It's so easy to look in from the outside and see how perfect everything is in someone else's life.  When really that person feels as the walls are crumbling in.

Today is my not perfect day and that's okay.

In college, my major was psychology however my passion was literature. To be more specific Women's Literature. In fact, I took all the literature classes I could and my last semester I took a 400 level Woman's lit class my freshman year of college. I was one of 6 students and it was the most AMAZING class. My professor was an inspiration to me. She also introduced me to Maya Angelou. What an amazing experience. But I'm off topic now.

One of the books my professor had us read was The Awakening by Kate Chopin. An amazing book that I have read and re-read every year, because every time I read it I get something else out of it. It is not a happy book, it a real, raw look inside a womans' mind and it ends beautifully tragic.

I think it's time for me to re-read it.

One of my favorite bands right now is Mumford & Sons...and I've been listening to this song while I write my blog. And I wanted to share it with you. I really like "The Cave" and "Little Lion Man" as well.

Have a great day friends.