Well, lets see.
As far as MOPS goes...
I am officially the Creative Activities coordinator for next year (June 2011-June 2012). I am very excited to be part of the "Steering team" or core team.
Thursday May 19th will be our 10th wedding anniversary. I can't believe it's been 10 years...I can't believe we've been together 12 1/2 years. We are celebrating on Saturday. Since we are not ready to leave the kids with anyone over night, we are spending the whole day (saturday) doing all the fun things that we can't do with the kids...or just don't have the time to do!
Last Monday I had my IUD removed. THANK GOD! That was awful and I don't wish it's evil upon anyone. When the doctor went to go remove it, she couldn't find the strings so she had to "dig" for them. I was bleeding pretty bad. Other than the pain from the removal, I felt better. It was not sitting right and I didn't like its nasty side effects. Apparently another side affect was weight gain and bloating. I've dropped 5 pounds since having it removed and I'm even on the pill.
I love my new pill, I'm on ortho-tri cyclen lo. It mimics a natural cycle and so far I feel great on it.
Keegan is now 4 months old! At his well - baby visit we weighs 14lbs 3.5oz and is 24.5 in long. He is sitting up supported, can roll over from his back and from his tummy. He has a beautiful strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. And the greatest laugh and smile. Keegan's tear duct is still blocked...and I'm going crazy with all the infections he's getting. My house is clean and sanitary but he still gets infections. I've even tried breastmilk...it's supposed to help. lol
He is still on Prevacid for his acid reflux, and it is truly a Godsend. He is my happy little guy, but without it he is totally miserable.
Aidan is growing up way too fast and has been asking to use the toilet. I have sat him on the toilet but he doesn't do anything. So it's time to buy him his own toilet. I don't want to discourage him but I also want to make sure he is really ready. Dinosaur underwear here we come!
Aidan is quite the gentleman, he plays well with others and is a joy to be around (even according to other moms). I've never met a 2 year that shares so well and can express emotions. He tell me that Keegan is sad when he cries. When he's mad, he folds his arms and says "i mad". He is very empathic to others as well. When there is another child crying, he will try to cheer them up by bringing them a toy or start playing with them. He is such a blessing!!
I guess that's all I've got. My book is coming along but with such limited time...it will take a while. But Rome wasn't built in a day.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Need to get this off my chest.
I have a few friends that can not seem to keep their opinions to themselves. Their way is the best, breast-fed, all natural birth, anti c-section, no discipline, no vaccinations...etc. Until you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you can't judge.
I am just saying, if I don't push my beliefs on you, please keep your mouth shut.
I am an amazing mother, an amazing wife and I am so blessed with so many wonderful things in my life. I don't need you to come in and try to make me feel bad about the intelligent decisions I have made for my family.
"You, Sir, are an idiot"
I am just saying, if I don't push my beliefs on you, please keep your mouth shut.
I am an amazing mother, an amazing wife and I am so blessed with so many wonderful things in my life. I don't need you to come in and try to make me feel bad about the intelligent decisions I have made for my family.
"You, Sir, are an idiot"
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Perfection
Webster's Dictionary defines Perfect as:
1a : being entirely without fault or defect : flawless
b : satisfying all requirements : accurate
c : corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept
d : faithfully reproducing the original; specifically : letter-perfect
e : legally valid
How many times have you gotten ready to have friends or family over and you were striving for perfection. Whether it be the cleanliness of your house or the food you have prepared. Maybe you just want every one to behave perfectly; the kids won't throw tantrums or be defiant, maybe you just want your spouse to be a gentleman and not tell that dirty joke he insists on telling everyone, albeit it is humorous.
How many times have you snapped at your spouse or kids while you strive for this said perfection?
I think we have all been there.
But have you ever thought about the message you are sending?
I realized this the other day when talking to a very dear friend. She mentioned my house was always spotless. sigh. Yes, I worked my butt off, got up way too early, gated my son in his room so my house could look this way. And now I realized as she described how clean my house was, that I had set some standard for myself that I was not intending. I do not want my friends, who also have children, to feel bad when there houses look like a toy bomb went off or heaven forbid your house looks "lived-in"...because that is how my house looks everyday!
I had never thought about how my strive for perfection impacted other people.
My favorite of the definitions of Perfect is C, an abstract concept. Because perfection is in the eye of the beholder, not a standard set by one person.
For me, allowing people to see my house "messy", clothes in the laundry basket, toys laying around, maybe even some dishes in the sink (OH MY) forces me to expose some part of me that is vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable and I don't like other people seeing the true, imperfect Tara.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Crossroads
I feel as though I am at a crossroad.
You know those dreams you have in life, the ones you think "if only..." If only I had the time, If only I had the money, If only I had the education, If only...
I want to write a book.
I have always wanted to write a book, ever since I was little. I don't care if I only publish one book and no one buys it (I do confess that I would heartbroken that no one would want to buy it).
My concerns.
I feel as though I have no time. But if there is a will, there is a way- who needs sleep.
I feel like I don't have qualifications to write a book. Truthfully, anyone can write a book, have you seen some of the crap out there?
I feel like the book I would write will never be good enough and I will be easily discouraged. ????
The book I want to write seems so huge that I have a hard time organizing my ideas. This can easily be remedied with a flow chart...etc.
Oh I don't know...I don't want this to become another "great idea" that gets started and never finished.
Okay...I'm going to do it.
No wait. I'm scared.
No I'm going to do it!
Well, here's to being a mom of two young kids, a wife, a maid, a cook, trying to lose weight, keep a solid relationship with my husband, keep up with friends & family AND write a book. (and I am sure that I missing a few other things)
You know those dreams you have in life, the ones you think "if only..." If only I had the time, If only I had the money, If only I had the education, If only...
I want to write a book.
I have always wanted to write a book, ever since I was little. I don't care if I only publish one book and no one buys it (I do confess that I would heartbroken that no one would want to buy it).
My concerns.
I feel as though I have no time. But if there is a will, there is a way- who needs sleep.
I feel like I don't have qualifications to write a book. Truthfully, anyone can write a book, have you seen some of the crap out there?
I feel like the book I would write will never be good enough and I will be easily discouraged. ????
The book I want to write seems so huge that I have a hard time organizing my ideas. This can easily be remedied with a flow chart...etc.
Oh I don't know...I don't want this to become another "great idea" that gets started and never finished.
Okay...I'm going to do it.
No wait. I'm scared.
No I'm going to do it!
Well, here's to being a mom of two young kids, a wife, a maid, a cook, trying to lose weight, keep a solid relationship with my husband, keep up with friends & family AND write a book. (and I am sure that I missing a few other things)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What a great morning!
After struggling for a few weeks trying to find a good routine for Chris and I to get our workouts in, I think I have finally found a solution! I get up at 5am, go exercise, and I get home before the rest of my family wakes up. Then I have time to make Chris's lunch, fold some laundry, and pick up the house a little before the chaos starts. I tried it today and I think it might actually work! This way our evenings are free for Chris to go work out, or when things come up my workouts don't have to suffer.
Today, is going to be a beautiful day! I am really looking forward to going out, working on the yard and letting Aidan run around!
Yesterday, Keegan turned 3 months old. Where has the time gone? It's crazy! But he is doing very well, now with the new medication and the right formula! Keegan is sleeping through the night. He will sleep from 10:30pm until 7-7:30am. It's glorious! I have been so lucky with both my kids sleeping through the night at an early age.
I think we are officially done having babies. I am really having issues with my IUD and I want to have it removed. I promised myself to give it more time, the stupid thing is crazy expensive ($750 - thank God my insurance paid for it) and it WILL hurt to have it removed.
But the spotting and bleeding (all the time), cramps and uncomfortable sex are really making it hard to want to keep it. But before I get it taken out, Chris is going to get "fixed". So...I am just waiting and hoping that it will get better.
Anyway, I can smell I have at least one poopy diaper to change. Yay! I leave you with one of my favorite songs!
Today, is going to be a beautiful day! I am really looking forward to going out, working on the yard and letting Aidan run around!
Yesterday, Keegan turned 3 months old. Where has the time gone? It's crazy! But he is doing very well, now with the new medication and the right formula! Keegan is sleeping through the night. He will sleep from 10:30pm until 7-7:30am. It's glorious! I have been so lucky with both my kids sleeping through the night at an early age.
I think we are officially done having babies. I am really having issues with my IUD and I want to have it removed. I promised myself to give it more time, the stupid thing is crazy expensive ($750 - thank God my insurance paid for it) and it WILL hurt to have it removed.
But the spotting and bleeding (all the time), cramps and uncomfortable sex are really making it hard to want to keep it. But before I get it taken out, Chris is going to get "fixed". So...I am just waiting and hoping that it will get better.
Anyway, I can smell I have at least one poopy diaper to change. Yay! I leave you with one of my favorite songs!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Aidan Day
Today, Aidan picked out the clothes he wanted to wear, got his shoes, put them on (slip ons - but he got them on the right feet), and was ready to go. Then at the grocery store, I was showing him the juice aisle and asked him if he wanted apple juice - he shakes his head no- then he points to Juicy Juice (the brand I like best) Apple Raspberry. I ask him if that's what he wants and he shakes his head yes. I grab it and ask him again and he even says yes. Okay.
On the way home from running our errands, I realized that today was just the beginning of the decisions he will make in life. Sure it's only picking out his own clothes and the juice he wants. But he was proud and felt like a "big boy".
Everyday Aidan amazes me, I am so proud to his mom! This weekend I am going to take him out on a Mommy and Son day. There have been things I have wanted to do with him, but I just can't with Keegan in tow. I know that Aidan misses our time together, he had me all to himself before Keegan showed up.
Don't tell Aidan (lol) but I am going to pack us a lunch, stop at Just Baked to pick out a cupcake for us to share and head over to the park so he can run around and play. Then afterwards, I need to go to Toys R Us for a gift and we have been wanting to get Aidan a stuffed Dinosaur (he is CRAZY for dinosaurs). It should be a really nice day!
I love my boys so much!
On the way home from running our errands, I realized that today was just the beginning of the decisions he will make in life. Sure it's only picking out his own clothes and the juice he wants. But he was proud and felt like a "big boy".
Everyday Aidan amazes me, I am so proud to his mom! This weekend I am going to take him out on a Mommy and Son day. There have been things I have wanted to do with him, but I just can't with Keegan in tow. I know that Aidan misses our time together, he had me all to himself before Keegan showed up.
Don't tell Aidan (lol) but I am going to pack us a lunch, stop at Just Baked to pick out a cupcake for us to share and head over to the park so he can run around and play. Then afterwards, I need to go to Toys R Us for a gift and we have been wanting to get Aidan a stuffed Dinosaur (he is CRAZY for dinosaurs). It should be a really nice day!
I love my boys so much!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Sigh.
Today I have nothing witty or inspiring to say.
Today is one of those days I want to retreat to my safe place.
Today I have no strength or fight in me.
Today I am NOT perfect.
Today I feel I've been given too much to handle.
Today I feel alone.
Today I am tired of walking on crumbs on the floor.
Today we are still in our pajamas.
I wasn't going to write a blog at all. I feel I have nothing to give or to offer anyone else. But after thinking about it, sometimes its nice to hear how "not perfect" other mother's are. It's so easy to look in from the outside and see how perfect everything is in someone else's life. When really that person feels as the walls are crumbling in.
Today is my not perfect day and that's okay.
In college, my major was psychology however my passion was literature. To be more specific Women's Literature. In fact, I took all the literature classes I could and my last semester I took a 400 level Woman's lit class my freshman year of college. I was one of 6 students and it was the most AMAZING class. My professor was an inspiration to me. She also introduced me to Maya Angelou. What an amazing experience. But I'm off topic now.
One of the books my professor had us read was The Awakening by Kate Chopin. An amazing book that I have read and re-read every year, because every time I read it I get something else out of it. It is not a happy book, it a real, raw look inside a womans' mind and it ends beautifully tragic.
I think it's time for me to re-read it.
One of my favorite bands right now is Mumford & Sons...and I've been listening to this song while I write my blog. And I wanted to share it with you. I really like "The Cave" and "Little Lion Man" as well.
Have a great day friends.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The seasons of Life
This morning, I got up excited I was woken up at 6am and not 5am. It's the little things. :)
I walk out to the kitchen, open the blinds to only realize the weather man was right. Rain, cold and more rain. I, and everyone else "here in the north" are pretty sick of cold, grey days with rain (or snow). It is draining on your mind, body and soul.
After feeding Keegan first thing in the morning, I make Chris's lunch and I get a sippy cup ready for Aidan, who is always thirsty when he first gets up.
One of my trips to the fridge I notice that my calendar is still on March. Oops. Meh, it was overlooked, like many other things. lol The message on my calendar was "There Will be Showers of Blessings" Ezekiel 34:26.
I look outside and realize that "it", my calendar, was right. Like all things it was a message reminding me that with all things there is a season. Right now we have grey, rainy days. But soon flowers and fresh grass with Summer on the horizon.
As a mother of two young children, I feel like we are in the Spring-time of life. It's muddy, messy, draining, dreary, wet and sometimes leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Their personalities are just blossoming, they are learning new things every day, their smile is the rainbow after the rain.
Again, soon Summer will be here and we will miss the cooler weather, the rain, the mess.
On Twitter, I follow the Dalai Lama. He has 1,560,789 followers but follows no one. March 14th he writes:
"As well as restraining ourselves from negative thoughts and emotions, we need to cultivate and reinforce our positive qualities."
During Spring, it feels as we strip a layer of old off, the layers of Winter, and we awake a new, better person.
I never pray for Aidan to be well behaved, but I pray that I can handle him with more grace and patience.
I never pray that Keegan sleeps when I need him to, but I pray that he is comfortable and if his comfort means I need to hold him or get up with him in the middle of the night, then that's what I need to do for him.
I don't pray to be a better wife to my husband, but I pray that if I fall short that he understands and taking care of our house and children is the greatest way I show him love and devotion.
Well, Aidan has just dumped his toys box...Life is messy! But I love it!
I walk out to the kitchen, open the blinds to only realize the weather man was right. Rain, cold and more rain. I, and everyone else "here in the north" are pretty sick of cold, grey days with rain (or snow). It is draining on your mind, body and soul.
After feeding Keegan first thing in the morning, I make Chris's lunch and I get a sippy cup ready for Aidan, who is always thirsty when he first gets up.
One of my trips to the fridge I notice that my calendar is still on March. Oops. Meh, it was overlooked, like many other things. lol The message on my calendar was "There Will be Showers of Blessings" Ezekiel 34:26.
I look outside and realize that "it", my calendar, was right. Like all things it was a message reminding me that with all things there is a season. Right now we have grey, rainy days. But soon flowers and fresh grass with Summer on the horizon.
As a mother of two young children, I feel like we are in the Spring-time of life. It's muddy, messy, draining, dreary, wet and sometimes leaves you feeling unfulfilled.
Their personalities are just blossoming, they are learning new things every day, their smile is the rainbow after the rain.
Again, soon Summer will be here and we will miss the cooler weather, the rain, the mess.
On Twitter, I follow the Dalai Lama. He has 1,560,789 followers but follows no one. March 14th he writes:
"As well as restraining ourselves from negative thoughts and emotions, we need to cultivate and reinforce our positive qualities."
During Spring, it feels as we strip a layer of old off, the layers of Winter, and we awake a new, better person.
Every day I strive to be better.
I never pray to be a better wife or mother. But I pray to be better at dealing with the crazy, stressful situations. I never pray for Aidan to be well behaved, but I pray that I can handle him with more grace and patience.
I never pray that Keegan sleeps when I need him to, but I pray that he is comfortable and if his comfort means I need to hold him or get up with him in the middle of the night, then that's what I need to do for him.
I don't pray to be a better wife to my husband, but I pray that if I fall short that he understands and taking care of our house and children is the greatest way I show him love and devotion.
Well, Aidan has just dumped his toys box...Life is messy! But I love it!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Life
Life.
I'm struggling finding my place. I struggle with my faith. I struggle with relationships. I struggle with being a mom, wife and woman. I struggle with my body image. The things I know:
I love being a mom. My kids are my whole world, they have shaped me and made me better than I ever imagined I could be. My husband loves me more than I deserve.I have a lot of wonderful friends. I make mistakes...everyday. Life is messy. Life goes by too fast. Life is more beautiful since becoming a mother. Forgiveness is a painful necessity. Moving on is harder said than done. I absolutely love Pandora radio. God never gives you more than you can handle. God has always provided for us (even though my husband doesn't believe.)
I have found comfort in new friends, my children, and the Bible. Lately, I have solace in Galatians 5:22-23 - Fruit of the Spirit. "By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."
I guess these were just some thoughts I had this morning...just ramblings of a mom that has a few minutes before the chaos starts.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Where did March go?!?
I swear just yesterday it was February. Where did March go? I know I didn't sleep through it. I've only had a handful of days that I have slept through the night.
Updates:
Kids- Aidan is good, acting very much like a two year old...yay...and is proving how much smarter he is than we are.
Keegan is 11 weeks today. And FINALLY on the road to recovery! He has been diagnosed with Acid Reflux and has made the last few weeks a living hell. There is nothing worse than your child hurting and you don't know how to fix it! We tried Zantac and while it helped he still had what we call "colic days" and he would cry all day and never nap. It was miserable for everyone. He is now on Prevacid and doing much better even after just 4 days. We finally found the right formula for him. That also was a battle with the reflux. We have found he does best on Soy (yes, I know SO many people say not to give your son soy...but they can come watch him while he cries for hours on end with a sick tummy because of the milk based formulas - even the hypoallergenic ones made him sick) and then we had to try all the different brands of soy because Similac backed him up so bad. In conclusion...lol...he is on Gerber Good Start, I had never even looked at it before but wouldn't you know it, it works like a charm! Here is a video I took of the boys yesterday. Aidan calls Keegan "T". (don't mind the mess in the background)
Tara and Chris- We are both dieting - low fat, low carbs, high protein. And we are going to the gym almost every day. I refuse to weigh myself because I am NOT going to be discouraged and when I am tired and frazzled from the day it is very easy for me to want to give up. I know if I do all the "right" things, the weight WILL come off. I also treat myself to tanning after I workout. It's something to look forward to every time I go to the gym.
Chris is doing really well and I SO proud of him. He has been really trying and he has been in a better mood since exercising and dieting. Better mood=nicer husband!
Today I have been having a lazy day and enjoying it! Aidan is napping and Keegan is cooing and soon should be sleeping. Yay! Tonight I am going grocery shopping and then to the gym. Tomorrow night I am going to pick up a Little Tykes castle swing/slide thing like this one:
I am SO excited! Aidan is going to love it! I am getting it used from a MOPS friend.
Saturday, I am going to the MOPS Summit. I am SO excited!
Anyway, I better take a shower if I want one today!
Updates:
Kids- Aidan is good, acting very much like a two year old...yay...and is proving how much smarter he is than we are.
Keegan is 11 weeks today. And FINALLY on the road to recovery! He has been diagnosed with Acid Reflux and has made the last few weeks a living hell. There is nothing worse than your child hurting and you don't know how to fix it! We tried Zantac and while it helped he still had what we call "colic days" and he would cry all day and never nap. It was miserable for everyone. He is now on Prevacid and doing much better even after just 4 days. We finally found the right formula for him. That also was a battle with the reflux. We have found he does best on Soy (yes, I know SO many people say not to give your son soy...but they can come watch him while he cries for hours on end with a sick tummy because of the milk based formulas - even the hypoallergenic ones made him sick) and then we had to try all the different brands of soy because Similac backed him up so bad. In conclusion...lol...he is on Gerber Good Start, I had never even looked at it before but wouldn't you know it, it works like a charm! Here is a video I took of the boys yesterday. Aidan calls Keegan "T". (don't mind the mess in the background)
Tara and Chris- We are both dieting - low fat, low carbs, high protein. And we are going to the gym almost every day. I refuse to weigh myself because I am NOT going to be discouraged and when I am tired and frazzled from the day it is very easy for me to want to give up. I know if I do all the "right" things, the weight WILL come off. I also treat myself to tanning after I workout. It's something to look forward to every time I go to the gym.
Chris is doing really well and I SO proud of him. He has been really trying and he has been in a better mood since exercising and dieting. Better mood=nicer husband!
Today I have been having a lazy day and enjoying it! Aidan is napping and Keegan is cooing and soon should be sleeping. Yay! Tonight I am going grocery shopping and then to the gym. Tomorrow night I am going to pick up a Little Tykes castle swing/slide thing like this one:
Saturday, I am going to the MOPS Summit. I am SO excited!
Anyway, I better take a shower if I want one today!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Keegan's 2 month Update!
Keegan went for his two month well-baby visit. We suspected there has been some other digestive issues with him as he was never really comfortable for long. Turns out he has acid reflux. He is now on Zantac and everyday he is on it he gets a little better. Now we're just dealing with constipation issues from being on Soy formula.
*note* Before you jump down my throat about having him on soy and all the "issues" about the estrogen's in soy, I have done my research and we have made this decision so please keep your comments to yourself! Thank you!
He is doing better on the Soy than he did on the Alimentum. However, we may try Alimentum again to see if he can tolerate it, the constipation is just such an issue.
Keegan weighs 10lbs 5oz and is 22 3/4inches long. His eyes are still blue and his hair is a reddish blond.
*note* Before you jump down my throat about having him on soy and all the "issues" about the estrogen's in soy, I have done my research and we have made this decision so please keep your comments to yourself! Thank you!
He is doing better on the Soy than he did on the Alimentum. However, we may try Alimentum again to see if he can tolerate it, the constipation is just such an issue.
Keegan weighs 10lbs 5oz and is 22 3/4inches long. His eyes are still blue and his hair is a reddish blond.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
A quick note
The last couple days Keegan has been smiling more and it seems as though he is mimicking me. Tonight every time I looked at him or touched him he gave me a huge open mouthed smile!
Priceless!!
Time for bed! Good night friends!
Change is good
So today I had a wonderful conversation with an old friend. We laughed so hard with both our 2 year olds in the background playing and trying to get our attention. :o) We were best friends before we had kids and now that we both have two kids time just slipped away from us. But I hope that we can start getting together and maybe without the kids! Eh...one can hope! LOL
My mom also came over today, it wasn't as good as a visit as we've had in the past few weeks, but I appreciate her coming to see me and making the effort. We will never have the relationship we once had but I am happy where it is now. My kids need to at least know their grandmother.
I am a person that either loves change or hates change, it just depends where I am in my life. For awhile I hated change and I did everything possible to keep things from changing. Well, since I lost my one friend recently, have been so active in MOPS, reconnecting with my mom and old friends, and learning to be a mom to 2 kids - change is good.
Today I deleted a bunch of people off my facebook page. Really, I deleted a lot of people from high school. I just can't take any more drama. I like to watch other peoples drama on TV but not live in drama.
So I took the spring cleaning approach to facebook. If you no longer are a positive person in my life, you're out. I'm sure there will be a few people asking "WTH?" When they realize I have blocked them. But what would I say? "Sorry, you are not a nice person and are toxic to me. So I am blocking you. Have a nice life." But that's really what I am saying just with a lot less words.
Tomorrow night we have a Woman's retreat at Bell Creek church. It's the church that supports our MOPS group. I am really looking forward to it. I am going over to a friends house and then another friend is driving us. Yay!
A friend and I were talking last night about how moms come last. And we do. Not that I complain about it very often. But I am the one up in the middle of the night, up bright and early getting breakfast ready, taking care of the hubby (i make his lunch and set out his clothes) in between nursing Keegan, getting Aidan up and set up with breakfast. It's crazy and the rest of my day is a lot of the same. I sometimes eat lunch and if I do Aidan eats half of it. You'd think I would loose more weight because of that but really I snack all day because we always have some sort of snack out. for Aidan. Anyway, moms really need to take time for themselves. Even if it's 20 minutes watching tv, or reading or surfing the web. Anything that doesn't require work.
Oh and sliced open my pinkie finger today peeling potatoes. It's pretty bad so I am going to have Chris bring home dinner. Oh Jimmy Johns how I love you and your jalapeno chips!
My mom also came over today, it wasn't as good as a visit as we've had in the past few weeks, but I appreciate her coming to see me and making the effort. We will never have the relationship we once had but I am happy where it is now. My kids need to at least know their grandmother.
I am a person that either loves change or hates change, it just depends where I am in my life. For awhile I hated change and I did everything possible to keep things from changing. Well, since I lost my one friend recently, have been so active in MOPS, reconnecting with my mom and old friends, and learning to be a mom to 2 kids - change is good.
Today I deleted a bunch of people off my facebook page. Really, I deleted a lot of people from high school. I just can't take any more drama. I like to watch other peoples drama on TV but not live in drama.
So I took the spring cleaning approach to facebook. If you no longer are a positive person in my life, you're out. I'm sure there will be a few people asking "WTH?" When they realize I have blocked them. But what would I say? "Sorry, you are not a nice person and are toxic to me. So I am blocking you. Have a nice life." But that's really what I am saying just with a lot less words.
Tomorrow night we have a Woman's retreat at Bell Creek church. It's the church that supports our MOPS group. I am really looking forward to it. I am going over to a friends house and then another friend is driving us. Yay!
A friend and I were talking last night about how moms come last. And we do. Not that I complain about it very often. But I am the one up in the middle of the night, up bright and early getting breakfast ready, taking care of the hubby (i make his lunch and set out his clothes) in between nursing Keegan, getting Aidan up and set up with breakfast. It's crazy and the rest of my day is a lot of the same. I sometimes eat lunch and if I do Aidan eats half of it. You'd think I would loose more weight because of that but really I snack all day because we always have some sort of snack out. for Aidan. Anyway, moms really need to take time for themselves. Even if it's 20 minutes watching tv, or reading or surfing the web. Anything that doesn't require work.
Oh and sliced open my pinkie finger today peeling potatoes. It's pretty bad so I am going to have Chris bring home dinner. Oh Jimmy Johns how I love you and your jalapeno chips!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
There is so much to catch up on...
I really wish I didn't need to sleep, then I would have time to actually finish the laundry and get on my computer, and do all sorts of other things that get forgotten.
Today Keegan is 8 weeks old. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I had him and other days it feels like he's been here forever. Keegan is sleeping through the night most nights. Last night he slept from 11pm until 7am. I was shocked! The few other times he slept for 5 or 6 hours.
A week ago yesterday, I had my IUD put in. We went with the Mirena IUD.
First, let me say they are very expensive the IUD alone was $750.68. (Thank goodness our insurance paid it in full)
And second, OUCH!!!
Those are two things they DO NOT tell you on the commercials.
They do a cervical block by giving you a shot of Novocain in your cervix. Then they insert it. It hurts and you do bleed pretty good. However, I seem to be one of the lucky ones and I am starting to feel back to normal after a week. But the cramping for a the first few days is really bad and painful, lets just say I was using my left over meds from my C-section to control the pain.
Today I've only had a couple cramps and I assume that it will only get better and I will be very happy with it. No more babies for awhile and no more periods! Yay!
I've been really active with MOPS lately and I feel like I have purpose. I've made so many wonderful friends and I'm even presenting our craft on the 18th. My friend is in charge of our crafts but she will be out of town so she asked me if I could do it, I was more than happy. Tonight, I am running out to Michael's with her to pick up a few things for the craft we're doing.
Last weekend was our Mom 2 Mom sale. The night before I help set everything up and then they needed some extra help so I volunteered to come in real early in the morning and help. I ended up staying until 12:30pm. We had just under 1000 paying adults, at $1 admission it was great. We had over 100 tables, I had never seen such a huge mom 2 mom sale! And we do another one in the Fall.
Tomorrow I am going to the Bell Creek Community Church Woman's retreat. They are having dinner and a couple speakers. It should be fun.
I have been following that mother's blog that lost her 4 month old daughter. I read it and I cry but every night she has been in my prayers. I know this sounds crazy but it helps to remember how lucky I am. There are days I am ready to pull my hair out.. But reading her blog puts it all in perspective. I am so blessed, for my husband, my boys and my friends.
Here is a link: http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/
I have a friend that is doing the Project 365...taking pictures of something everyday. I really want to do it too, I suppose I should have started that at the new year but hey better late than never!
Today Keegan is 8 weeks old. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that I had him and other days it feels like he's been here forever. Keegan is sleeping through the night most nights. Last night he slept from 11pm until 7am. I was shocked! The few other times he slept for 5 or 6 hours.
A week ago yesterday, I had my IUD put in. We went with the Mirena IUD.
First, let me say they are very expensive the IUD alone was $750.68. (Thank goodness our insurance paid it in full)
And second, OUCH!!!
Those are two things they DO NOT tell you on the commercials.
They do a cervical block by giving you a shot of Novocain in your cervix. Then they insert it. It hurts and you do bleed pretty good. However, I seem to be one of the lucky ones and I am starting to feel back to normal after a week. But the cramping for a the first few days is really bad and painful, lets just say I was using my left over meds from my C-section to control the pain.
Today I've only had a couple cramps and I assume that it will only get better and I will be very happy with it. No more babies for awhile and no more periods! Yay!
I've been really active with MOPS lately and I feel like I have purpose. I've made so many wonderful friends and I'm even presenting our craft on the 18th. My friend is in charge of our crafts but she will be out of town so she asked me if I could do it, I was more than happy. Tonight, I am running out to Michael's with her to pick up a few things for the craft we're doing.
Last weekend was our Mom 2 Mom sale. The night before I help set everything up and then they needed some extra help so I volunteered to come in real early in the morning and help. I ended up staying until 12:30pm. We had just under 1000 paying adults, at $1 admission it was great. We had over 100 tables, I had never seen such a huge mom 2 mom sale! And we do another one in the Fall.
Tomorrow I am going to the Bell Creek Community Church Woman's retreat. They are having dinner and a couple speakers. It should be fun.
I have been following that mother's blog that lost her 4 month old daughter. I read it and I cry but every night she has been in my prayers. I know this sounds crazy but it helps to remember how lucky I am. There are days I am ready to pull my hair out.. But reading her blog puts it all in perspective. I am so blessed, for my husband, my boys and my friends.
Here is a link: http://kandjstaats.blogspot.com/
I have a friend that is doing the Project 365...taking pictures of something everyday. I really want to do it too, I suppose I should have started that at the new year but hey better late than never!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Updates
I've been dairy free for almost a week now, and it's going well. I've never felt better and we're eating less wheat products too.
Since this diet makes me eat really healthy and I cook everything from scratch I decided to try to lose some of this baby weight as well. Most things I eat are low in fat anyway. I'm very excited and I will be posting about my weight loss.
Chris and I have set up a work out schedule so that we can both get to the gym. Tonight is my night...hopefully we don't get a ton more snow (on top of the 9" we got last night)...otherwise I won't be able to get there. :)
This week, Gina is coming over on Wednesday (since she has a day off) and I think I am going to try to have a playdate at my house Thursday with a couple (MOPS) friends and their little ones.
And the best thing this week...Chris isn't on-call!!! Last week was horrible. When he is on-call, he ends up having to work from home a lot and can't watch Keegan at night so I can catch a few hours sleep. Keegan goes to sleep around 12:30-1 am and then gets up between 3-4am. Normally I would go to bed between 9 - 11pm and then get to sleep until he wakes up at 3 or 4am. So I was really dragging last week.
Oh we went to a new peditrican on Saturday and I really liked the office. Saturday we saw a female doctor and she was really nice. They have a bunch of doctors at the practice so we may try one of the male doctors.
I'm really looking forward to next weekend, I think we get a date night! It's been a long time and I am so ready!
Aww...Aidan just ran up to me and gave me a kiss and ran off. So cute! That's the best part about being a mom!
I better get some laundry done while Keegan is sleeping and Aidan is playing.
Since this diet makes me eat really healthy and I cook everything from scratch I decided to try to lose some of this baby weight as well. Most things I eat are low in fat anyway. I'm very excited and I will be posting about my weight loss.
Chris and I have set up a work out schedule so that we can both get to the gym. Tonight is my night...hopefully we don't get a ton more snow (on top of the 9" we got last night)...otherwise I won't be able to get there. :)
This week, Gina is coming over on Wednesday (since she has a day off) and I think I am going to try to have a playdate at my house Thursday with a couple (MOPS) friends and their little ones.
And the best thing this week...Chris isn't on-call!!! Last week was horrible. When he is on-call, he ends up having to work from home a lot and can't watch Keegan at night so I can catch a few hours sleep. Keegan goes to sleep around 12:30-1 am and then gets up between 3-4am. Normally I would go to bed between 9 - 11pm and then get to sleep until he wakes up at 3 or 4am. So I was really dragging last week.
Oh we went to a new peditrican on Saturday and I really liked the office. Saturday we saw a female doctor and she was really nice. They have a bunch of doctors at the practice so we may try one of the male doctors.
I'm really looking forward to next weekend, I think we get a date night! It's been a long time and I am so ready!
Aww...Aidan just ran up to me and gave me a kiss and ran off. So cute! That's the best part about being a mom!
I better get some laundry done while Keegan is sleeping and Aidan is playing.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
So as most of you know, Aidan was colic and ended up on Alimentum almost until he was a year old. So naturally when Keegan started showing signs of a Milk Protein allergy we put him on Alimentum. (after trying Similac sensitive soy -which he won't poop for days on end)
We have been battling with him and gas and colic. I've had two days in the last week that he did nothing but cry. So then we started looking at the fact that I nurse him about 40-50% of the time and especially when he's acting colicky. The proverbial "there's your problem" dawned on me.
It's been me...my milk has made him sick.
So I am left with two choices:
1. Switch over to all formula and stop breastfeeding.
2. Change my entire way of life and eating to continue to nurse him.
And I picked number 2.
That's right I have decided to go completely dairy free in order to nurse my son. So after doing much research, while holding and rocking a crying colicky baby most of the two days, I have found that dairy is in everything. Also, soy is not the best option either, since Keegan seems to be especially sensitive I am cutting that out too.
Tonight I am taking a trip to Trader Joe's (they have vegan/dariy free foods) and looking for the best non-dairy foods. Dr. Sears has an elimination diet that I am starting tomorrow. And then I will slowly add foods back that tend to be better tolerated. (I'll post that in a second)
Chris thinks I am kinda crazy, I feel kinda crazy but I also feels like this is the right decision for me. I was lucky enough to get a pretty nice supply of milk this time around and I'm going to use it....damn it. lol Granted I couldn't feed an army, but Keegan loves it and I love nursing him.
So I am sure the next week or so will be very frustrating and I will feel discouraged but somethings are just that important.
In other news: We have found a new pediatrician after months of not liking our doctor and feeling frustrated with him. Yay! Both boys go in on Saturday, Aidan for his 2 year and keegan for his one month.
And I have been going to the gym when I have the energy...I have lost all of the weight I gained with Keegan and a few extra pounds. But now I am working on the weight I gained with Aidan. I still have about 30-35 pounds to lose to be back where I was before babies...with more stretch marks and saggy skin. (but totally worth it) :-D
Time for a shower while both babes are napping and who knows how long that will last!!!
We have been battling with him and gas and colic. I've had two days in the last week that he did nothing but cry. So then we started looking at the fact that I nurse him about 40-50% of the time and especially when he's acting colicky. The proverbial "there's your problem" dawned on me.
It's been me...my milk has made him sick.
So I am left with two choices:
1. Switch over to all formula and stop breastfeeding.
2. Change my entire way of life and eating to continue to nurse him.
And I picked number 2.
That's right I have decided to go completely dairy free in order to nurse my son. So after doing much research, while holding and rocking a crying colicky baby most of the two days, I have found that dairy is in everything. Also, soy is not the best option either, since Keegan seems to be especially sensitive I am cutting that out too.
Tonight I am taking a trip to Trader Joe's (they have vegan/dariy free foods) and looking for the best non-dairy foods. Dr. Sears has an elimination diet that I am starting tomorrow. And then I will slowly add foods back that tend to be better tolerated. (I'll post that in a second)
Chris thinks I am kinda crazy, I feel kinda crazy but I also feels like this is the right decision for me. I was lucky enough to get a pretty nice supply of milk this time around and I'm going to use it....damn it. lol Granted I couldn't feed an army, but Keegan loves it and I love nursing him.
So I am sure the next week or so will be very frustrating and I will feel discouraged but somethings are just that important.
In other news: We have found a new pediatrician after months of not liking our doctor and feeling frustrated with him. Yay! Both boys go in on Saturday, Aidan for his 2 year and keegan for his one month.
And I have been going to the gym when I have the energy...I have lost all of the weight I gained with Keegan and a few extra pounds. But now I am working on the weight I gained with Aidan. I still have about 30-35 pounds to lose to be back where I was before babies...with more stretch marks and saggy skin. (but totally worth it) :-D
Time for a shower while both babes are napping and who knows how long that will last!!!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
I have SO much to be thankful for!
Sometimes it's easy to overlook or forget how many wonderful people we have in our lives and how much we have to be thankful for.
I was just looking through pictures of Aidan and Keegan, how in the world did we make such beautiful children, sometimes I even feel guilty. Why did I get so lucky when so many people are suffering everyday from the pain of infertility?
But today, I cried. I cried because I am SO in love with my babies. I carried my babies, felt some of their first movements, heard their tiny hearts start beating, and held them only minutes old. I don't know what they will do with their lives or where their passions lie, but everyday I see something new, a new word for Aidan and Keegan smiles a little more everyday. Little things but absolutely priceless to me.
Besides my kids, we have amazing people around us. First and foremost- Gina (AKA - Aunt Gina) What would we do without her? She is not only my BEST friend, a part of our family and my boys ADORE her. The love she gives them is unconditional and forever. I hope we never have a day without her!
Then there is my husband.
Sure we have our ups and downs and I guess lately I have been feeling more downs. But really, he loves me more than I could ever ask anyone to love me. I decided that I have to let go of some of the things that I have been really upset about. I won't go into too many details but when I came home from the hospital we had a pretty rough two weeks and I am still very angry at him for some thing. But tonight, I decided I can't let it keep eating me, let the anger build and come out over little things. Love can be difficult and I've had to realize that sometimes our greatest show of love isn't flowers or romance but giving each other extra sleep or some time away from the kids or the two minutes of alone time together. Life has changed, and we have changed but with that our love and bond only grows. May 19th will be our 10 year wedding anniversary, nothing special I'm sure but *maybe* Aunt Gina can watch the boys for a whole day ;-) and we can enjoy some quality alone time.
Another thing I am so thankful for...MOPS. I don't know what I would do without these ladies. They remind me that I am a good mom even when I feel less than perfect.
There are always opportunities to get out of the house, playdates and new friendships. I thank God everyday for MOPS, it has been a lifesaver.
So many things and people to be thankful for, I wonder how did I get so lucky!?
Another thing is that I have been suffering some depression. Not full blown Post-partum but the baby blues are sticking around a little longer. Is it from the issues with Chris? Or the winter and all the snow? Or the lack of sleep ( 3-5 hours of sleep at night is just not enough) Or just the stress of two kids?! I am dealing with it, but there are days I would like to just lay in bed and cry all day (today was one of those days). But honestly, I know that I will get through this and I am trying to stay active, positive and keep good company - staying away from the toxic people in my life. I don't need other people's negative energy.
"The past is history, the future is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present"
I was just looking through pictures of Aidan and Keegan, how in the world did we make such beautiful children, sometimes I even feel guilty. Why did I get so lucky when so many people are suffering everyday from the pain of infertility?
But today, I cried. I cried because I am SO in love with my babies. I carried my babies, felt some of their first movements, heard their tiny hearts start beating, and held them only minutes old. I don't know what they will do with their lives or where their passions lie, but everyday I see something new, a new word for Aidan and Keegan smiles a little more everyday. Little things but absolutely priceless to me.
Besides my kids, we have amazing people around us. First and foremost- Gina (AKA - Aunt Gina) What would we do without her? She is not only my BEST friend, a part of our family and my boys ADORE her. The love she gives them is unconditional and forever. I hope we never have a day without her!
Then there is my husband.
Sure we have our ups and downs and I guess lately I have been feeling more downs. But really, he loves me more than I could ever ask anyone to love me. I decided that I have to let go of some of the things that I have been really upset about. I won't go into too many details but when I came home from the hospital we had a pretty rough two weeks and I am still very angry at him for some thing. But tonight, I decided I can't let it keep eating me, let the anger build and come out over little things. Love can be difficult and I've had to realize that sometimes our greatest show of love isn't flowers or romance but giving each other extra sleep or some time away from the kids or the two minutes of alone time together. Life has changed, and we have changed but with that our love and bond only grows. May 19th will be our 10 year wedding anniversary, nothing special I'm sure but *maybe* Aunt Gina can watch the boys for a whole day ;-) and we can enjoy some quality alone time.
Another thing I am so thankful for...MOPS. I don't know what I would do without these ladies. They remind me that I am a good mom even when I feel less than perfect.
There are always opportunities to get out of the house, playdates and new friendships. I thank God everyday for MOPS, it has been a lifesaver.
So many things and people to be thankful for, I wonder how did I get so lucky!?
Another thing is that I have been suffering some depression. Not full blown Post-partum but the baby blues are sticking around a little longer. Is it from the issues with Chris? Or the winter and all the snow? Or the lack of sleep ( 3-5 hours of sleep at night is just not enough) Or just the stress of two kids?! I am dealing with it, but there are days I would like to just lay in bed and cry all day (today was one of those days). But honestly, I know that I will get through this and I am trying to stay active, positive and keep good company - staying away from the toxic people in my life. I don't need other people's negative energy.
"The past is history, the future is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present"
Thursday, February 3, 2011
My first week...
My first week home alone with both kids has been very eventful to say the least!
The first day Aidan had some sort of tummy bug and was vomiting all afternoon. And since it was my first day without Chris I was doing laundry and cleaning, the kind I can't do when he's around.
Then Chris had a really bad day at work, a system that he created / designed went down at work. And it's a very visible system all 3000+ people use it. So he stayed at work until 9pm and when he got home he had to work from home and didn't stop until 1am. So no break for mommy that day!
Then to top off a really fantastic day, I get a FB message from a "friend" bitching me out. It's so childish and petty.
The second day, Tuesday, I took the boys to Target to walk around. Our first trip out went great! And that afternoon my MOM called me. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years. So I guess we are on the road to reconciliation. However, I think too much damage was done to ever have a really great relationship.
Again, Chris had to work late and work from home again. So mommy didn't get a break that day or night either.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling like I was drug behind a truck; stiff, sore, headache and just feeling miserable! I've lost 5 pounds just in this week from forgetting to eat, nursing Keegan and running around like a crazy woman.
Aidan was acting up and I just didn't have the patience with him. He had a few time outs! I know it's an adjustment for all of us, including Aidan but I think his behavior was just a 2 year old thing. It's adorable! NOT!
But last night Chris came home early, took the boys and let me go do whatever I wanted or needed to. I went to the gym, signed up for my membership. Chris started going to Planet Fitness so I went to check it out, it was really neat! I loved it! So I got the package with unlimited free tanning, you can bring a guest for free, free personal trainer and they are open 24 hours a day. All for $19.99 a month! I ended up walking on the treadmill for a little bit, I'm allowed to start walking and using the elliptical, just no weights yet!
Today...is going to be a good...i hope! I'm driving out to see one of my MOPS friends and she is going to take pictures of Keegan. She is working on her photography and hasn't tried taking (professional) pictures of a newborn. I was happy to help, not to mention its nice to have some adult conversation! God love her she has 5 kids!!! :)
I'm still dealing with issues from my friend. I've tried taking a non-confrontational approach but she is still trying to drag me through the mud. I'm done dealing with it. The sad part, she is/was Aidan's Godmother. But she hasn't been around since he was infant. But she is blaming me for us not getting together. But she just has too much on her plate and is blaming everyone else. But now she is a toxic person in my life.
Tomorrow we have MOPS. It will be the first MOPS since I had Keegan that I am bringing both boys! I went last time but I only took Keegan. I am looking forward to it, we are making coupon books for our husbands. :) And I need my MOPS fix. I swear when I get home from MOPS I am a better mom and wife. I love the ladies and they make me feel like I belong and I'm doing a good job!
Anyway, I better start getting the kids ready for our day.
The first day Aidan had some sort of tummy bug and was vomiting all afternoon. And since it was my first day without Chris I was doing laundry and cleaning, the kind I can't do when he's around.
Then Chris had a really bad day at work, a system that he created / designed went down at work. And it's a very visible system all 3000+ people use it. So he stayed at work until 9pm and when he got home he had to work from home and didn't stop until 1am. So no break for mommy that day!
Then to top off a really fantastic day, I get a FB message from a "friend" bitching me out. It's so childish and petty.
The second day, Tuesday, I took the boys to Target to walk around. Our first trip out went great! And that afternoon my MOM called me. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years. So I guess we are on the road to reconciliation. However, I think too much damage was done to ever have a really great relationship.
Again, Chris had to work late and work from home again. So mommy didn't get a break that day or night either.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling like I was drug behind a truck; stiff, sore, headache and just feeling miserable! I've lost 5 pounds just in this week from forgetting to eat, nursing Keegan and running around like a crazy woman.
Aidan was acting up and I just didn't have the patience with him. He had a few time outs! I know it's an adjustment for all of us, including Aidan but I think his behavior was just a 2 year old thing. It's adorable! NOT!
But last night Chris came home early, took the boys and let me go do whatever I wanted or needed to. I went to the gym, signed up for my membership. Chris started going to Planet Fitness so I went to check it out, it was really neat! I loved it! So I got the package with unlimited free tanning, you can bring a guest for free, free personal trainer and they are open 24 hours a day. All for $19.99 a month! I ended up walking on the treadmill for a little bit, I'm allowed to start walking and using the elliptical, just no weights yet!
Today...is going to be a good...i hope! I'm driving out to see one of my MOPS friends and she is going to take pictures of Keegan. She is working on her photography and hasn't tried taking (professional) pictures of a newborn. I was happy to help, not to mention its nice to have some adult conversation! God love her she has 5 kids!!! :)
I'm still dealing with issues from my friend. I've tried taking a non-confrontational approach but she is still trying to drag me through the mud. I'm done dealing with it. The sad part, she is/was Aidan's Godmother. But she hasn't been around since he was infant. But she is blaming me for us not getting together. But she just has too much on her plate and is blaming everyone else. But now she is a toxic person in my life.
Tomorrow we have MOPS. It will be the first MOPS since I had Keegan that I am bringing both boys! I went last time but I only took Keegan. I am looking forward to it, we are making coupon books for our husbands. :) And I need my MOPS fix. I swear when I get home from MOPS I am a better mom and wife. I love the ladies and they make me feel like I belong and I'm doing a good job!
Anyway, I better start getting the kids ready for our day.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Keegan's Birth Story
Sorry it has taken me so long to update, things have been crazy! However, two kids isn't as hard as I thought it would be, I just can't wait to start getting more sleep!
Monday night (1-10-11) I had my Mother's Blessing with my the ladies from MOPS. It was a beautiful and they were so sweet. They each brought a charm that represents something about me and then Molly put it all together and made me the most beautiful bracelet.
I felt fine that night.
The following day, Tuesday, I woke up with a headache. But I had to go to the grocery store. So I loaded Aidan up and we went grocery shopping. By the time I got home I was feeling horrible, my headache was the worse headache I've ever had. It felt like my head was splitting open. So, I just laid in bed and turned cartoons on so Aidan would hang out with me (and stay out of trouble). That day we had a nasty snow storm moving in. By the time Chris got home we had another few inches of snow...just enough to make the roads bad. However, that night we were supposed to go over to a friends house for dinner and to celebrate Christmas. I didn't want to cancel so we decided to just go. I took some tylenol and hoped my headache would get better. It didn't. We had a nice night and left around 9:30pm. I got in the car and told Chris I just want to lay in bed, with a cold wash cloth on my head and get some sleep. That night I kept waking up, unable to sleep due to the pain. Once around 2am, Chris told me to take my blood pressure, thinking it might be high. And it was. 160/90 and by morning I had 160/110. So we knew something was really wrong. We debated all night about calling the on-call doctor to see if they wanted me to come in. But with the snow storm and no one to watch Aidan right away, we decided to wait until the next day when I had a doctor appointment.
Wednesday morning, I still had the headache and now I was getting some vision disturbances in my left eye. It looked like I had a smudge on my contact and I even went and rinsed it thinking there was something wrong with it. But thats when I realized I had blurry vision.
My best friend, Gina, was coming over at noon so I could go to the doctor at 1:30pm. That morning I had thrown up a couple times and was feeling really miserable. I made some lunch for Gina and Aidan and I left around 12:45. I get to the office and my nurse takes me right back to get weighed and pee in a cup. She asks how I'm feeling and I tell her I'm miserable and what all has been going on. At first she says "is it just because you're done being pregnant?" I told her I was very done being pregnant but this was real and I was feeling awful. She takes my blood pressure and it was 160/90 just like it was at home. The she recognizes that somethings wrong.
Dr. Benjamin comes in and takes one look at me, my blood pressure and tells me he wants me to go to the hospital to get blood work and a non-stress test. I was naked from the waist down because I supposed to get checked, he didn't even bother. The doctor called the hospital to let them know I was coming and to talk to his partner on call which just happened to be the Chief of the department and really nice older doctor.
I call Chris on the way home, tell him what's going on. I also called Gina who was watching Aidan. She didn't have to work that night so I set her up with stuff to make dinner for Aidan. Thank goodness I went to the store because I had all sorts of food, easy to make food, in the house!
When I got home, Aidan was napping, so Gina and I packed my hospital bag, just in case. Chris and Gina both thought I was going to deliver Keegan but I didn't. I had been to the hospital a lot with Aidan and was sent home after being checked out.
Chris gets home and off we went to the hospital. We get there and I get signed in. As the nurse came to get me and get me into a bed in the triage area to be monitored we both recognized each other. She was my favorite nurse from when I had Aidan! She is just a sweet, wonderful person. She gave me a hug and mothered me. It was wonderful.
My blood pressure had gone down a little but the headache was still in full swing. Dr. Bayram (chief of the department) came in with a medical student/resident (or something) I wasn't paying attention as he was gorgeous! LOL They did blood work and hooked me up to the monitor.
The doctor comes back an hour later and says "well, we're either going to do the c-section tonight or in the morning." At this point I am freaking out...I was not ready to bring the baby home. I still had baby clothes to wash, I felt so unprepared.
Anyway, since I had been sick that morning and I hadn't eaten they decided to do the c-section that night. But first I had to have a couple bags of fluid via IV, as I was pretty dehydrated. Which also explains all the contractions I was having and the monitor was picking up. They were like every 3 minutes, but not very strong.
So then it was time to get undressed and have the catheter put in...without being numb. Ouch!
I walked into the OR and got set up on the table to get my spinal put in my back. It's very similar to the epidural, but it only lasts the maximum of 2 hours and it's put into a different space in the back. It hurt, like the epidural hurt but within seconds of having it injected I felt super warm all through my legs and up my body. I was numb from the chest down. So, they lay me on the table, cover me up, get Chris into the room and start their thing. This time I did feel different things than I did last time. Last time I felt nothing this time I could feel them wiping my tummy and getting the area ready to make the incision. But I couldn't feel anything sharp. Weird!
Before I knew it, I could feel all the pulling and pressure of them pulling Keegan out. This time they set me up with a mirror so I could see him being born! It was amazing! The doctors had warned me that he may need a little help breathing because they didn't know how mature his lungs were going to be. But sure enough he came out screaming! I cried! He was beautiful!
They had a special doctor there just for Keegan, just in case he was going to have problems. SO he really checked him out, they did have to work a little longer to get the fluid out of lungs but within minutes he was pink and screaming! Apgar scores of 8 and 9. Not too shabby!
Keegan Patrick Hall was born at 6:20pm January 12, 2011. Weighing 7lbs 0oz and 19 1/2 inches long!
Friday, January 7, 2011
A much needed MOPS meeting
Today, I have really tried to stay positive and try not to stress out. I am finding that very difficult lately. But with more stress I am having more braxton-hicks contractions and they make me feel horrible. They are getting so strong that I feel like I could pee my pants.
So naturally, it snowing like crazy this morning, my car wasn't cleaned off from the snow yesterday either, the roads were horrible and to top it off Aidan was being crabby. He has learned to say "no" to everything. It was a battle getting his coat, mittens, and shoes on. Arg!
But I NEEDED to get out and go to the meeting! So we get there a little late, no big deal. The speaker they had today was really great, she does all her cooking for the month in one day and then freezes it. And for a family of 5 only spends $80-$100 on the meals for the month - not including the fresh stuff, like milk and whatnot.
It was very cool!
I go back upstairs to get Aidan and he was SO excited to see me...it totally melted my heart! He hugged me and even patted my arm! So we have been working on walking and holding my hand so I don't have to carry him. Some days it's great...other days, not so much. So going into MOPS was great, he held my hand played in the snow a little and was very good. But coming out, he had a tantrum kicked his shoes off and was crying/screaming. So, I'm contracting, carrying him picking up shoes...it was a mess. And he cried the whole way home. :-/
But he just ate A LOT for lunch so I'm guessing he played hard and was just really hungry. They do get snacks but sometimes it's not enough.
Anyway, my amazing friends from MOPS are throwing me and another girl, Andrea, at my table a "Mother's Blessing" it's like a baby shower without gifts, but we are doing a labor/birthing necklace for each of us. Each charm will be given from our friends and will have special meaning and we can wear them during labor/birthing to know we are supported. They will pray for our babies and a safe delivery. It's a beautiful tradition!
Its very cool! I am so excited! Andrea is due the day before me, has a son 3 months older than Aidan and is also having another boy. So we have a lot in common. :)
So that will be Monday night!
Tonight we are doing a craft night, we will have some snacks and we can all work on whatever craft we just don't get the time to work on with kids and husbands and life! :) I am crocheting a blanket for Keegan, just like I did for Aidan, I am about 80% done. So this will be a great time to really work on it without "someone" running off with my yarn! lol And I get out of the house to hangout with the girls!!!!!
Now, it's nap time for Aidan and I need to rest!
So naturally, it snowing like crazy this morning, my car wasn't cleaned off from the snow yesterday either, the roads were horrible and to top it off Aidan was being crabby. He has learned to say "no" to everything. It was a battle getting his coat, mittens, and shoes on. Arg!
But I NEEDED to get out and go to the meeting! So we get there a little late, no big deal. The speaker they had today was really great, she does all her cooking for the month in one day and then freezes it. And for a family of 5 only spends $80-$100 on the meals for the month - not including the fresh stuff, like milk and whatnot.
It was very cool!
I go back upstairs to get Aidan and he was SO excited to see me...it totally melted my heart! He hugged me and even patted my arm! So we have been working on walking and holding my hand so I don't have to carry him. Some days it's great...other days, not so much. So going into MOPS was great, he held my hand played in the snow a little and was very good. But coming out, he had a tantrum kicked his shoes off and was crying/screaming. So, I'm contracting, carrying him picking up shoes...it was a mess. And he cried the whole way home. :-/
But he just ate A LOT for lunch so I'm guessing he played hard and was just really hungry. They do get snacks but sometimes it's not enough.
Anyway, my amazing friends from MOPS are throwing me and another girl, Andrea, at my table a "Mother's Blessing" it's like a baby shower without gifts, but we are doing a labor/birthing necklace for each of us. Each charm will be given from our friends and will have special meaning and we can wear them during labor/birthing to know we are supported. They will pray for our babies and a safe delivery. It's a beautiful tradition!
Its very cool! I am so excited! Andrea is due the day before me, has a son 3 months older than Aidan and is also having another boy. So we have a lot in common. :)
So that will be Monday night!
Tonight we are doing a craft night, we will have some snacks and we can all work on whatever craft we just don't get the time to work on with kids and husbands and life! :) I am crocheting a blanket for Keegan, just like I did for Aidan, I am about 80% done. So this will be a great time to really work on it without "someone" running off with my yarn! lol And I get out of the house to hangout with the girls!!!!!
Now, it's nap time for Aidan and I need to rest!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Another doctor appointment...
So everything is okay...my BP is okay. Still a little high but nothing like last time, so we are just watching it. No progress yet, weight is the same, and I am measuring big...and the doctor kept going on about how big the baby is. (oh and I had to hear about how narrow my birth canal is) I kept saying, he is big and I am really uncomfortable. I was hoping they would move my c-section date up a week or so...but not yet. Maybe next time. Sarah I may just get that 9 pounder. lol
I am just not okay anymore, my emotions get the best of me and I cry all the time, I am beyond tired everyday, I seem to get irritated over nothing, I can't seem to remember anything, EVERYTHING aches and all I can think about is having this baby. Even when my best friend was over I felt irritated. Sigh. I am really craving solitude and just being home. I totally forgot how miserable the last month is. I am thinking of doing some mall walking this week...but I would need the energy to drag us out of the house!
Anyway, I go back to the doc next week.
I am just not okay anymore, my emotions get the best of me and I cry all the time, I am beyond tired everyday, I seem to get irritated over nothing, I can't seem to remember anything, EVERYTHING aches and all I can think about is having this baby. Even when my best friend was over I felt irritated. Sigh. I am really craving solitude and just being home. I totally forgot how miserable the last month is. I am thinking of doing some mall walking this week...but I would need the energy to drag us out of the house!
Anyway, I go back to the doc next week.
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